This poem has been in the works since May. I started it anticipating Mother's Day and working through those emotions. With our home study tomorrow I thought it would be a good time to try and finish it. Hopefully we will soon be closer to this hope and dream coming true!
I want to be a mother, but I’m not,
Not because I haven’t tried, but because I’ve been denied
Denied this privilege, this beautiful vocation
Of bearing, birthing, cradling, cuddling, nurturing
My heart has been broken and broken again
By the quiet search for another heart beating
Only to find nothing,
No life inside
My hopeful womb.
And the man who gently holds my hand
My rock who will forever stand by me
Shares my pain
But can’t possibly understand
The deepness of my desperation,
The intensity of my longing.
I want to be a mother;
I’ve never known a moment when this was not true.
Every particle of my being longs
To reach out and love
The way that only a mother can.
I was made for this.
How is it that this gift of life
Seems to be given
To the unprepared, the addicted,
The so very young?
To those who will be quick to abuse,
To neglect, to abandon?
And then there are those
Who choose to dispose of the life that is growing
Without ever knowing what they’re giving up
Until it’s too late.
This is a sorrow I do not know
Nor do I envy,
And while I can’t pretend to understand
I will not hold against you a decision made in pain and fear,
Perhaps even in love.
Sisters, we are broken.
But there is hope,
And there is healing,
And there is life
In the One who heals the broken,
The Restorer of all things.
I want to be a mother.
I’m not one yet,
But I will be.
My eyes have been opened
The many children
Who are longing,
Hoping, waiting, and praying
For just what it is I have to offer;
What I long to do and be
What I was, truly, made for.
It may not be the way
I had originally imagined
But I anticipate the joys I find
Along this new path
My wildest imagination.
I want to be a mother and I will be!
Because I can!
Because I was made to!
Because not to
Would be to deny
An undeniable part of who I am.
I will nurture and adore
I will challenge and cheer on
I will comfort, cuddle and care
Like only a mother can.
I will love
Until it hurts
And I know it will.
But this endeavor,
This adventure in motherhood
The best thing
I have ever done.