This. Is. Happening.

On the roller coaster of life, I’m at that point at the top of the highest hill. We’ve been clicking up the slow side with great anticipation and now we’re in that one brief moment when you can look around at the view, take a deep breath, and brace yourself for the exciting ride.

On Thursday of this week, we will get our first placement of foster kids! (Cue the balloons, happy music, and confetti!) This. Is. Happening. And I am so incredibly excited!

We have met the kids who will be coming into our home and they are very sweet, rambunctious little boys. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to share their names on a public blog such as this one (or photos, here or on Facebook, so sad), and I will have to be very careful about what I do share. But, they are brothers, ages 4 and 9, and we’ll just call them M and J.

We got to meet the boys on Wednesday. They came to our home for a pre-placement visit, to see if it would be a good fit. Because this is not an emergency situation (the boys are in a shelter and have been there since June), they can take a little more time to find the right home.

M and J were pretty sure they had found the right home.

They spent some time playing in the “Kids' Room” under their CASA worker’s supervision, while we talked to their case worker downstairs. J (the 9 year old) found a notepad and a marker, climbed up to the top bunk of the bunk beds and wrote a little note, “I like this house”.

By the time they left, “I like it here!” and “Can we stay!?” were said out loud multiple times. And, of course, it took the boys about half an hour in the same room with my husband and they were already in love with him. I can’t blame them.

It was so strange, though. 

After they left I didn’t feel the way I thought I would feel when all of this finally happened. Maybe I was protecting my heart because the case worker still had to approve and officially request us for placement. Maybe I was just overwhelmed by it all. But instead of being full of joy and excitement, I was almost numb. All I could really feel was nervousness. It was like the reality was finally setting in and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it, or if I was really ready.

We were expecting more of an emergency placement situation, where they just call you out of the blue and bring you the kids that same day. We were ready to wing it…not to have to think about it, not to have to make sure it was the right fit.

My numbness didn’t last long, though, and while the nervousness lingers, it's very much in the background. I awoke early the next morning, around 5am, my head spinning with thoughts of M and J, excited, happy thoughts about their first days in our home. (And this was before we received the official request for placement!)

Over the next couple of days, encouraging words from family members and their excitement to be family to M and J brought on happy tears and filled me with confidence and joy.

John and I had the privilege of spending the weekend with some of our dearest friends, our last kid-free weekend for a while, and I can’t think of a better way to have spent it.

That was followed by an incredible Sunday evening with Nexus Community. It seems the investments of time and energy we’ve made over the last year and a half in the apartment community where our church meets have finally begun to pay off. New people are coming and excited to be there. One new mother told me tonight she has looked for two years for a church, and finally, in Nexus, has found a community where she feels she belongs. God is at work in our church, and it is so exciting to be a part of it!

I have a growing church, incredible family and friends, an amazing relationship with my wonderful husband, and this Thursday I’m going to be a mom. I’m pretty much on top of the world.

That’s how it feels on top of the roller coaster, right? Just before the big drop. I know it’s going to be a wild ride, but I am so ready. Bring on the speed, the twists and turns, even the loops that turn you upside-down! This is going to be the ride of our lives!