I Want To Be A Mother (Poem)

This poem has been in the works since May. I started it anticipating Mother's Day and working through those emotions. With our home study tomorrow I thought it would be a good time to try and finish it. Hopefully we will soon be closer to this hope and dream coming true!

I Want To Be A Mother

I want to be a mother, but I’m not,

Not yet;

Not because I haven’t tried, but because I’ve been denied

Denied this privilege, this beautiful vocation

Of bearing, birthing, cradling, cuddling, nurturing

Adoring, loving

A child.

My heart has been broken and broken again

By the quiet search for another heart beating

Only to find nothing,

No life inside

My hopeful womb.

And the man who gently holds my hand

My rock who will forever stand by me

Shares my pain

But can’t possibly understand

The deepness of my desperation,

The intensity of my longing.

I want to be a mother;

I’ve never known a moment when this was not true.

Every particle of my being longs

To reach out and love

The way that only a mother can.

I was made for this.

How is it that this gift of life

Seems to be given

So freely

To the unprepared, the addicted,

The so very young?

To those who will be quick to abuse,

To neglect, to abandon?

And then there are those

Who choose to dispose of the life that is growing

Without ever knowing what they’re giving up

Until it’s too late.

This is a sorrow I do not know

Nor do I envy,

And while I can’t pretend to understand

I will not hold against you a decision made in pain and fear,

Perhaps even in love.

Sisters, we are broken.

But there is hope,

And there is healing,

And there is life

In the One who heals the broken,

The Restorer of all things.

I want to be a mother.

I’m not one yet,

But I will be.

My eyes have been opened

To see

The many children

Who are longing,

Hoping, waiting, and praying

For just what it is I have to offer;

What I long to do and be

What I was, truly, made for.

It may not be the way

I had originally imagined

But I anticipate the joys I find

Along this new path

Will challenge

My wildest imagination.

I want to be a mother and I will be!

Because I can!

Because I was made to!

Because not to

Would be to deny

An undeniable part of who I am.

I will nurture and adore

I will challenge and cheer on

I will comfort, cuddle and care

Like only a mother can.

I will love

Until it hurts

And I know it will.

But this endeavor,

This journey,

This adventure in motherhood

Will be

The best thing

I have ever done.